Do you want people to like you?

Whether you're a preschooler or a politician, odds are getting people to like you ranks high on your list of goals, and people not liking you is high on your list of fears. Being liked by our peers is both important in today's culture, and is fundamental in our human nature.

Many young people do foolish and counterproductive things in their quest to be liked and accepted by their peers. I say counterproductive because often the things they do for acceptance drive acceptance further out of reach, or bring only momentary popularity, while driving long term acceptance away. This typically takes the form of trying to hard, or betraying personal values to gain approval.

There are things you can do to help increase your popularity, without circumventing your values or giving the impression to others that you're desperate. The ideas presented might seem quite basic, but don't let yourself overlook them simply because of their rudimentary natures. These are the very most basic building blocks of popularity, and through manipulation of these elements you will be able to increase your popularity at any level.

1. Have something to offer - One of the most basic and effective tactics you can use to increase your popularity is to have something to offer. Whether you're in school, at the grocery store, or online you'll find that people are going to be more likely to find their way into your company if you have something to offer them. Whether it's an interesting anecdote, a knowledgeable and skillful conversation, or a wit and humorous style they find appealing.

Some people can get a lot of people to like them simply with a pretty face, or a fat wallet. Since you're reading this article I'm going to guess you're not one of those people. The point here, develop something more to offer. You'll find this easier if you think first about what kind of people you want to be friends with, then develop something extra to offer that those people would want.

Once you've determined what more you can offer, don't push too hard. Wait cautiously for a chance to apply it, and then offer it casually. If it's not accepted at first, don't let yourself be offended, and don't abandon your efforts altogether. Simply withdraw your offer and wait for your next chance.

2. Genuinely like other people - It's very hard for the majority of people to dislike the people who genuinely like them. For this reason, if you want to be more popular all you have to do is like other people. This means both forgiving them when they've slighted you or done something you don't like, and finding things to like about them.

Some people will find this easier than others, but anyone can use this as a way to increase their popularity. It might be tempting to take a shortcut by pretending to like people, but trust me when I tell you it's not going to get the same effect.

To start, put yourself in their shoes. Try to genuinely understand why they are the way they are and do the things they do, to the best of your ability. Then, let yourself forgive them for their slights and shortcomings. Then, let yourself accept them. This doesn't mean you have to approve of the things they do or think, but you should try to accept them anyway.

Once you've accepted them, find a few things about them to like. It might be easiest to pick at least some of these things based on what you have in common, and a few of them based on what you admire about them. Once you find some things about them you like, let yourself start to like them.

3. Be social - Wherever you are, be social. Whether online, in class, or outside let yourself hang around with other people and talk to them. It might seem easier to sit by yourself and wonder why no one is coming over and talking to you, but you'll find it much more rewarding to find your way over to a group of people and join in.

You might also use social networking to talk to people online. This can help you get your name out, which will in turn be likely to increase your popularity. If there are parties or hangouts where people go, you could also try showing up and seeing how things go, although crashing a party you're not invited to could get you a bad reputation. If no one is invited and everyone's just showing up though, try your hand at getting in yourself though.

4. Go with the flow - It might be tempting to take up some random stances, views, or habits and then defend them based on the fact that you're an individual. This is especially true during adolescence and early adulthood where the person is trying to establish an identity. Also tempting is to like the views, stances, and habits you have already so much that you refuse to change them based on the fact that you like them, or they've worked before. This is especially true of people in their late 30's or more.

Whether you want to be an individual for the first time, or being tempted to avoid changing the individual that you are, you can't let yourself stand against the flow. When something new comes along, don't let yourself refuse it just because it's not what you're used to, or because it's not what you would have it be. When MySpace, FaceBook, and Twitter came along, there were people who used them easily, a lot of people. Other people refused to get on board because those things represented something that hadn't been there before, and so either wouldn't last long or weren't necessary since they had gotten along fine without them. However, as it turns out they're still around, and while they may not last forever, something else will take their same place. There will always be something everyone is doing, and while you shouldn't betray yourself for a fad, refusing them simply because their rising is to deny yourself something in common with the people you're hoping to interact with.

Furthermore, when people want to do things, try doing them too. This will give you something in common with them. Being smooth is important too.

5. Read People - If you want people to like you, it's important to know which people might like you, and which people are only acting like they might like you. It's also important to be able to read whether the things you're trying are working on the people you're trying them on, or if you need to try something else. You can see people with your eyes, but you'll find it to your advantage to do more than that. This is a tricky skill to learn, and your best bet is to watch other people for a while and observe what they do and how they look when their doing it.


So, to review you'll find people will like you more if you have something to offer them. Liking people will encourage them to like you. Being social and putting yourself in a place to talk to people will likely get people talking to you. People will be more likely to like you if you go with the flow, while keeping your values and personality intact. Reading people won't make people like you directly, but it will help guide your efforts and let you know what you can do better.

These are not end all sure fire ways to increase your popularity, nor are they the only things you should try, nor are these push buttons for instant fame. These are simply some of best building blocks for becoming popular. Using them will still take personal time and effort of your own.