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Sometimes getting that first girlfriend can be hard, especially if you've been looking for a while and still haven't found the woman of your dreams, or even the woman of the evening. For young men everywhere the search for a companion can be frustrating, and thoughts that there may not be anyone out there for you can get depressing.

Sometimes people try dating services like speed dating or online services promising to match you in multiple dimensions of compatibility. Others try to find the woman of their dreams using patented systems you can buy in bookstores or online. These solutions often offer ineffective systems that don't yield results. Other times these systems don't work for the same reasons you find picking up a girlfriend at school or work difficult. Often, a young man simply doesn't know what to say or do to get the girl to like him.

There is no tried and true method for attracting a companion of the opposite sex, but if you've been having the sort of problems described above and you're 18 or older, you should start to take steps to get your love life jump started. Below you'll find 10 easy to follow steps, which will greatly increase your odds of finding that first girlfriend.


Step 1) Looks - How you look has the biggest effect upon the first impression you make on anyone you meet, and the first impression strongly effects what people think of you. For that very reason, it's important to keep in mind that controlling how you look is vital to your success. Make sure you keep yourself clean, showering at least once every two days, if not once or twice a day.

Make sure to keep your hair clean and organized. You don't need the latest style, just make sure that your hair looks good. Don't let it be jumbled and disorganized or it could lower your chances of finding someone willing to accept you. You might also consider what you want your hair to tell people who look at you, because your hair or lack thereof is going to tell them something. If you have a mullet, people are likely to think you're low class. If you have a buzz cut, people are likely to think you're tough. Make sure that your hair says something positive and true about who you are, and you'll find attracting a girlfriend somewhat easier.

Tattoos and piercings have a strong impact on what people think of you too, and it's important to coordinate the messages coming from your tattoos and piercings with the other messages your sending. If you're a teenage or twenty something a tattoo might seem like the ideal way to back up whatever you're trying to communicate, but don't run out and get one. Tattoos last a lifetime, but they send the same message the entire time. When you're older, you're not going to think or act the same way you do now, and if you have a tattoo that's sending a message that conflicts with who you're becoming, you'll regret it.

Step 2) Artifacts - Artifacts are basically your things. Your clothes, your books, and your wallet are typical artifacts carried with you in your day to day life. Many of these artifacts play into the first impression, and all of them are going to communicate something at some point. Artifacts have a profound impact on how other people perceive us, and overlooking this fact may be contributing to your lack of .

Make sure you know what kind of a message your artifacts are sending, and use that message to your advantage. If your clothing sends a message that conflicts with the message your hair is sending, you're going to seem chaotic and of weak character. Understanding and coordination of your first impression communication can be the difference between a conversation in the hall and her pretending she didn't see you.

Other things you carry with you during the day may not speak as loudly as your clothes, but it's important to understand what anything you have with you will be saying about you in the event that it's seen. If you carry a condom in your wallet, that sends the message that you think you have a chance of having sex within the next six months, and that you're low class. If you carry a dice bag, this sends the message that you're into paper and pencil role playing. The messages you send will determine the type of people who will want to interact with you, so make sure that you're sending messages that will speak to the kind of girl you want to attract.

Step 3) Be Yourself - This one I'm sure you've heard before, but it's as true as it ever was. When you're looking for that special someone, don't try to be someone you're not. Even if you managed to fool someone into thinking you were that other person, how long could the relationship last before you had to change back?

Just because you're being yourself though doesn't mean you should just give in and be a dirty guy with bad clothes. Sometimes, you need to change who you are. This doesn't mean you should fake it and pretend you're someone else, it means you should really make lasting changes to who you are. It may seem like the same thing, but if you change who you are then you're still being yourself while being something better. There are some things you may not be able to change. If you have permanent asthma, you can't change that. Don't try to make yourself an athlete or you're likely to end up in the hospital. Other things you shouldn't change. If you're a Christian don't become a Wiccan in an effort to seem mysterious.

Step 4) Be a Good Listener - This is a vital step both for getting a girl to like you, and to succeeding in the next step. Girls tend to bond based upon rapport, and so being able to listen to their rapport and respond intelligently based on emotion and empathy will work better than half listening because you're bored, and then responding with an answer based only on logic, which is a stereotypically male thing to do. Being able to listen attentively is key to forming friendships, which should be the basis for your romantic endeavors.

Step 5) Make Friends - You'll find that if you make friends with people you'll have an easier time getting a girlfriend. Not only women, but make friends with men too. Try to give your popularity a little boost and be friends with everyone you can. This doesn't mean that you need to be best friends with everyone, but take opportunities to hang out with people you don't know. The more people you've made a good impression on, the better your odds are when anyone asks about you. It's easy to say that you don't care what people think of you. It's somewhat harder to admit you do care while maintaining integrity, but that's what you need to do.

While trying to make friends, it's important to remain aloof. This can be difficult if you're feeling frustrated or desperate to succeed, but it's important that you don't seem desperate for friends. If you seem desperate people won't take you seriously.

It's also important that you never trade or do anything in exchange for anyone's friendship. If anyone says they'll be your friend if you do something, they're lying. It's okay to do nice things for people, or even to do things in the hopes that someone will be your friend, but don't ever do things as a trade for friendship, because that will only end badly.

Step 6) Control Your Communication - It's important to control your communication at all times. First you must become aware of what you communicate commonly every day, and second you should try to control and optimize that communication to remain effective and pleasant.

To be aware of your communication, start to make yourself aware that everything you do, are, and have sends a message. If you slouch in your seat, wear a shirt with writing, or touch your face, that sends a message to the people around you. You should carefully consider what each aspect of your person communicates. Does your slouch communicate laziness or indifference? If you touch your hair, what does that communicate to the people around you? What does your shirt say about who you are and how you want people to see you?

Once you've started to get an understanding of what each thing communicates, try to change what you're communicating. If your slouch communicates laziness, that's going to tell people that you're lazy, change your slouch. If your shirt sends a message inconsistent with who you want to be, go buy new shirts and dispose of any shirts that send the wrong message.

Step 7) Be Reasonable - People are more likely to like you if you're accepting of them. Try not to condemn people you're trying to make friends with, even in your mind, even if you feel like they've slighted you. You'll find making friends easier with the people you accept. Don't make friends with the people you don't accept, but if there aren't many people left after you remove the people you don't accept, you may want to reevaluate why you don't accept those people. You should try to accept everyone, and if there's someone you don't accept, make sure there's a good reason.

Also, make sure that you don't overreact to things. Overreacting makes you seem like a loose canon, and you want people to think that you've got yourself under control.

Step 8) Have Options - Don't let any girl or group of girls be your only option and avoid falling in love ahead of time. Instead, simply become friends with an ever increasing number of girls and wait for something to develop. Make sure that you're not making any woman you're interested in feel like she's the only one in the world you're interested in until after the two of you are already an item, or you decrease your chances of the relationship progressing beyond close friendship. Sow the seeds of possibility with many woman, keep your options open until one of the relationships picks up.

Step 9) Set Priorities - Have a clear understanding of how important any given thing is in your life. If you want to find that special someone, you're going to need to put the women in your life before your hobbies. They may suggest that you talk about things your not really interested in, and you should consider taking them up on it simply because they want to talk about it. You may find later that you like discussing what they've suggested, but even if you don't this will send the message that they're important and that you find them interesting, which most women will find a positive trait.

Step 10) Be Patient - Don't think that just because you've cleaned up your act, a girl will fall into your lap the very next day. These tips will help, but it may take some time for you to sew the seeds, and even once you do you may not see results for weeks or months. This is because a lot of luck is involved in finding someone you're interested in who's also interested in you, and more luck is involved in putting together any kind of relationship.

Also, once you've found someone don't try to rush a relationship. This means don't try to get from friendship into her romantic life to quickly. It's also important to remember not to expect the relationship to turn sexual for a while. If she seems to be pressing for sex open up a dialog about it, but don't try to press the issue, and do not suggest sex yourself.


Even if you use these steps to the letter though, it only increases your chances of getting a girlfriend. Love is a game of skill, but chance is involved as well, and you can't be sure you're going to find someone worth knowing no matter how you go about it. It's important to remember that no program or article will be able to guarantee you lasting romance or happiness. Some programs work better than others, but none of them are sure fire because it's all up to chance.

No matter how long it takes, and no matter how many times you get rejected, keep trying. As long as you're still trying there will be someone for you eventually, and only if you give up will you have really failed.

As I'm sure you've realized in reading this article, this is an article of fundamentals. There are more advanced techniques that could be tried, and there are vital subtleties to be analyzed and accounted for which change on a person to person basis. If you've already got all of the topics covered in this article mastered, there's a good chance you've already had a girlfriend or two. If you haven't, you may need to try some something a little more advanced